As for my health? I’d like to forget that

And so the Christmas holidays arrived, and I told my diet doctor, “The hell with it. I’m going home and I’m going to eat everything in sight!” Which is precisely what I did.

And, hard as it may be for you to believe it, I lost weight. Let me tell you, it was just as hard for me to believe it, and even harder for the doctor.

But it was a fact. Within one week of doing the biscuit-and-grits diet route, I lost. Furthermore, my nails began to grow. And visibly so. Now I’ve been told by researchers and specialists in the fingernails field if, indeed, there really is such a field that this kind of growth is not possible. I can only report, once again, what happened to me. And that is what happened, I’ll swear to it.

After a week of luxury eating, it was back to New York and my disciplined way of eating. I returned to the low-carbohydrate dieting and lost all the fingernails I’d grown, while putting back all the poundage I’d lost. Are you confused? I was, but I was beginning to put things together, and to ask a reporter’s kind of questions. And I finally began to get some answers.

WTiat was happening to the protein I was eating? I checked in with my internist, as is my wont when things aren’t going quite suitably, and I learned a fascinating fact. My body was actually taking the protein from my nails, from my hair, and from the protein I was eating, and using it to produce carbohydrates.

Because, you see, your body is a much smarter machine than you may think. After three years of low-carbohydrate, deliberately-un-natural dieting, my body had figured out just what I had tried to do to it. Just how I’d tried to fool it into burning up itself its extra self, in any case.

Needing some carbohydrates (and mind you, I’d been on a nocarbohydrate routine for three months by now and this is one place where I’ll come right out and say, “Yes, I think no-carbohydrate eating is dangerous for longer than a week at a clip”) my body had learned to pass the extremely unnatural regime that had been imposed on it. It simply made its own carbohydrates. That is why man has survived for so many centuries, in so many environments, and with so many different variations of natural diet available to him. His body simply adapts to whatever is at hand. And makes the most of it.

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