Tapping into your arousal centres is just three lust lessons – and some horny homework – away.. By Rachel Grumman Bender It’s the zap that ignites your naughty thoughts, sends pleasure waves to your lady parts and makes you want to ride your man like a carousel pony. Yes, sexual arousal is an amazing process – if it works. Too bad the top bedroom complaint among women is the lack of it, and the anxiety that creates, which has scientists (and drug companies) finally stepping in to figure out why. It’s time you joined the convo: sex ed is now Imagine your libido as a car with two conflicting pedals, says Dr Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are. There’s the sexual excitement system (SES) that ignites your arousal,and the sexual inhibition system (SIS) that either slows it down or completely shuts it off. Both function simultaneously in our brains, according to Nagoski, but in some women (due to hormones, genetics or other factors), one side isstrongerthan theother, making it much easierorharder to get – and stay – horned up.
But even ifyourSES hits a couple of speed bumps, you can still reach your destination. You just need to be patient, refocus and – we can’t emphasise this enough – keep going. Your partner gives you a sexy look that says, “You. Me. Upstairs.” He starts kissing and undressing you… slowly. Oh, so good. His hands work their way down your back and up your inner thigh. Mmm. Oh, man, you didn’t shave your legs today. You think he’s noticing the stubble – eek. Have your man cook you a relaxing meal, like spicy mince. The sweat from eating the chilli will make you want to remove your clothes immediately. And did you know that sweat can be a natural lubricant? Off you go, ready for intercourse!” Now isn’t that a drag: a US study found that, for many couples, the struggle to conceive can be stressful enough to put a damper on their sex drives (blegh, vicious circle!).
To keep your momentum to bone going – or to break out of the average dry spell – try planning romantic dates and, once you’re in the mood, experimenting with role-playing and new sex positions, says Dr Alyssa Dweck, author of Vis for Vagina. Having or showing excessive sexual drive Hmm, he doesn’t care one bit. In fact, his enthusiasm is seriously hot right now. You close your eyes and focus on how good your guy’s fingers and mouth feel on you. Max can wait – you’re so ready to get laid!